|
|
| Introduction: Why is the Gurdjieff Work Incomplete? |
Dear Brothers and Sisters,
Ever since I can remember being a Self, I’ve been searching for Truth, searching to understand the meaning and purpose of Life and my place within it. I’ve desperately wanted to understand the workings of the human psyche, to solve the riddle of our apparent madness, and to find true happiness and real friendship. Before I left high school I was searching Western psychology and philosophy, and the Eastern I Ching and Tao Te Ching for clues.
Like many of you, my search for a teacher began shortly after becoming acquainted with P.D. Ouspensky’s book In Search of the Miraculous. I found a teacher of the Gurdjieff Method in Portland, Oregon, through a remarkable series of “coincidences” and close calls. Mrs. A.L. Staveley gave me permission to join the new group forming in September of 1973 when my boyfriend and I had hitchhiked to her doorstep with all our worldly belongings in our backpacks, without a clue as to where we would live or how we would earn our keep. I brought my youthful rebellion against my suffocating education and against all discipline that would constrain my raw, untamed potential. I immediately rebelled against “traditional” aspects of Gurdjieff’s Teachings, which at first triggered my touchy “feminist” side. Mrs. Staveley remained patient throughout, even managing to keep her sense of humor through most of my transgressions, and persisted in confronting me with the Teachings.
Slowly I began to apply the Teachings to my life, thereby gradually transforming it. These experiences enabled me to sort out the mess I was in from my social conditioning and to restore a degree of balance and self-respect. I devoted myself to the study of Beelzebub’s Tales to His Grandson, the cosmic laws, and the mysteries of the psyche of Man, whom Gurdjieff characterized as “psychopaths squared” and sometimes “cubed”. I began to grasp what he meant by “Reason of Knowing” versus “Reason of Understanding” and to ferret out the enneagramatic structure of these two distinct forms of mentation. I spent more time engaged in the activities and pursuits of the community than I did with my own family. I was in training as a group facilitator, a Movements demonstrator, and was being primed for a part in the community leadership.
During my entire time in the community I privately maintained that Gurdjieff was my true Teacher and ultimate authority, rather than Mrs. Staveley, because Gurdjieff taught that we should be “indifferent to the saints”. I say “privately” because nearly everyone else appeared to worship the ground Mrs. Staveley walked upon, allowing her to dictate to them how to live their lives down to the minutest detail. Instead, my instinct guided me to reserve the right to make my own “miss-takes” and learn thereby, just as I’d had to do with my mother, sharing with Mrs. Staveley the results of my efforts to apply the Teachings and principles she suggested. I came into this world with a questioning mind and I subjected everything to critical review, taking to heart Gurdjieff’s warning to VERIFY EVERYTHING FOR MYSELF. Whenever I questioned something Mrs. Staveley said or did, I consulted the writings of Gurdjieff and came to my own working hypotheses of how to apply the teachings. Most of the time I’d finally come around to what Mrs. Staveley had been trying to show me all along – but not always. In this way I used Gurdjieff’s writings as my COMPASS for all and everything, not literally as my “ALL AND EVERYTHING”. I did not dare to express this view aloud!
With sadness, seventeen years later, after bringing all my affairs to closure, I decided to leave the community and resume my search for Truth. I had by then confirmed for myself that present-day Gurdjieff communities are missing teachings for the Heart, though at that time I couldn’t verbalize the specifics of what I sensed. Later I came to see that there was no method for surfacing suppressed emotions and learning to handle them with skill. There was no understanding of the need to recognize psychological patterns below the superficial level and to decrystallize them. I recall being told by Mrs. Stavelely that emotional imbalance was best met by seeing a psychiatrist and was definitely NOT a part of the Work. Self-remembering and self-observation were viewed as ends sufficient in and of themselves rather than as the sounding of DO of an entire octave of techniques and stages of development. “Conscious Labors” were frequently reduced to making “super-efforts” by contributing labor to endless community projects, often at the expense of our families. “Intentional Suffering” was understood as “suffering” each repetition in oneself of a habitual manifestation of “the consequences of the properties of the organ Kundabuffer.” We didn’t understand how to undo those habits.
As a result, I observed that we each made great progress the first three to seven years, but we eventually began to go around in predictable circles as we reached a glass ceiling I could not identify. While we continued to receive new insights and deepen our understanding of the Ideas, nevertheless I sensed an invisible barrier to more fundamental progress. Once reaching this glass ceiling, work on oneself all too often became confined to confessing our observations at group discussions and thereby obtaining sufficient relief from guilt to go on living with ourselves. The undercurrents of suppressed emotions, together with the gossip and intrigue – unacknowledged at best and denied at worst – continued to build over time, invisibly undermining progress as our mechanicality was unwittingly deepened rather than disrupted. The emphasis at the community unconsciously shifted from living the Spirit of Gurdjieff’s teachings to the best of one’s ability, to “nailing down” the form of the community for posterity and modeling proper “Gurdjieffian” behavior. Leaders were instructed on WHAT to do, rather than HOW to carry out the Spirit of what Mr. Gurdjieff taught: how to adapt to the times and the needs of the people they would be called upon to serve.
My personal challenge was to believe in my own verified perceptions and act on them by leaving the community I had grown to love, which I knew would essentially mean being “shunned” thereafter; or to stay and wilt while continuing to adhere to a form that was quickly losing all Heart for me. After agonizing over the situation for three years, I realized that my habit of self-doubt was severely undermining me; I must ACT on my own knowledge. I decided to set out again on my own to search for ways to accomplish the needed psychological work and to find practical answers to my questions about Man’s inner world and methods to further develop my true Potential.
My search and my intuition led me to experiences, people and books that would change my life. I began by investigating resources and phenomena such as hypnosis pointed out by Gurdjieff in Beelzebub’s Tales. Emotional clearing work, which is re-perceiving one’s past by reliving it and resolving it through dialogue with a partner, proved to be valuable, confirming my intuition that Work on oneself cannot ignore the deeper psychological patterns and suppressed emotions. I wondered if there was a spiritual teaching that incorporated such an approach. I began investigating the purported sources of Gurdjieff’s own teachings: Tibetan Buddhism, Mevlevi Sufism, and Esoteric Christianity. From Buddhism I learned tools for cultivating compassion and seeing through the illusions of duality and solidity. From Sufism I learned how to cultivate a quietness and simplicity of mind and heart that cut through egotism’s noise and complexity. From Christianity I learned to spot my inner “Pharisee” and follow Christ’s radical path of freedom from conventions posing as holier-than-thou. Yet none of these teachings in their present form seemed to be complete.
Then a friend, also a former Gurdjieff community member, recommended that I read Murat Yagan’s autobiography, I Come From Behind Kaf Mountain. Murat Yagan was raised in the ancient Kebzeh tradition of the Caucasus Mountains, of which he is the last trained Elder. He received his attainment in a Sufi tekke, but considers himself to be a follower of Christ after experiencing a powerful vision of redemption. Through reliving his life’s story, I realized that the primary purpose of any teaching is to enable communion with the Beloved, one’s own Indwelling Presence, for guidance. I realized how deeply I had become discouraged from believing in my own Potential and ability, through work on myself, to facilitate this vital connection with the Higher Centers. The message of our nothingness, of being only “merde” (*bleep*/compost) had been thoroughly drilled into us to help us break through the crystallization of our egotism; but collectively we had gotten stuck in the notion that nothing more was possible for us. We grimly carried on our work for Work’s sake with the hidden expectation of no meaningful results.
When I realized that Mr. Yagan lived only a day’s drive from where I lived, I paid his community a visit. I experienced firsthand a community with Heart, people practicing how to live love through hospitality, service and true friendship. What a contrast between the Kebzeh and Gurdjieff communities! When Mr. Yagan heard my background, he smiled and stood up. He paraded around the room with his rear held stiffly erect and his torso contorted into an arch, nose pointed high into the air, his face tensed and grim. I burst out laughing! He was demonstrating the perfect caricature of people “in the Work”!
Mr. Yagan believed that Gurdjieff had died before completing his task, which explained the photographs of him near the end of his life that portrayed him in a black state. He told me that a few years after my departure from my former community, Mrs. Staveley had called upon Mr. Yagan to assist her. She could feel that something was “not quite right”, and she sensed her own end was approaching. Mr. Yagan consented, arranging personal visits and working with selected pupils, but then an internal scandal broke out and relations were terminated before his work with them came to fruition. In the years to follow, many Gurdjieff pupils from all parts of the country have contacted Mr. Yagan for his advice and guidance.
On my second visit to his community, Mr. Yagan challenged me to propose to all Gurdjieff groups to come together at least annually to discuss our differences, until we could come to a consensus on what Mr. Gurdjieff taught and unite under a common banner. I reflected on the relationships between the groups with which I was familiar and sighed. I could see little difference between Gurdjieff groups and the many factions of Christianity, with mutual animosities running deep through several “generations”. Then Mr. Yagan looked me in the eye and stated in a way that left no room for argument: “You must complete Mr. Gurdjieff’s Work.” On one level, as described in his own teaching book, The Science of Universal Awe, he meant “completing” in the sense of “perfecting” as used in the Gurdjieff terminology, a process of Self-realization through Work on oneself. Mr. Yagan also intended to convey the message that because Mr. Gurdjieff’s Work was left incomplete, it is the duty of all who consider ourselves to be Gurdjieff’s followers to do whatever is necessary to complete what Mr. Gurdjieff started. I took his message to heart, even though I had no clue how I could begin to work in this direction. I only knew that I was committed to do whatever I could within the sphere of my influence.
During the time of my visits to the Kebzeh community, I became acquainted with the Toltec Path of Freedom as taught by Théun Mares through his book, Return of the Warriors. I KNEW immediately that I had struck gold, and I quickly ordered and began voraciously consuming the remaining volumes. As far as I could ascertain with my intuition, the Path with a Heart contained everything necessary for psychological and spiritual transformation in one system. Perhaps this Teaching held the keys to completing what Mr. Gurdjieff had started! At first I tried to integrate the Toltec Teachings from my Gurdjieff frame of reference (and I still do to some extent). But the advice given was to view the Toltec Teachings from their own frame of reference; therefore I commenced my re-search once again as a beginner.
For the next six years, working from the books alone, I was able to break through my own glass ceiling and raise my personal growth to new levels. I received the needed support for cutting through the judgmental polarized worldview which Gurdjieff describes in the chapter on war in Beelzebub’s Tales as one of the chief causes of our psychopathy. I began to dismantle self-image and decrystalize assumptions and beliefs I wasn’t even aware I was harboring. Old patterns of thought, emotion and behavior have loosened, opening up new options in my life. As I grow more accepting of who and what I am, new subtle forms of egotism and self-deception are revealed to me without triggering debilitating guilt and shame. I experience a growing self-confidence as I fight my battles without hindrance from my fearfulness, relying upon a growing receptiveness to my Inner Guide. I take my missteps and my failings in stride. My relationships are growing stronger and more authentic. From that foundation, I am learning the basis for true humility and honor and how to live from these impulses, cultivating self-respect and inner peace.
I then discovered that Théun had launched a new teaching facility online and was offering to provide personal guidance to anyone as a part of the subscription. Through my interactions within this teaching facility, I am showered with unconditional love – which, for the uninitiated, means I am not allowed to hide in manipulative “ignorance” from any of my own bull*bleep*! His ruthlessness toward my denying force, together with his unreserved support for my growth, have enabled me to face new challenges and test my mettle against the rigors of real life.
In short, finding and meeting Théun Mares, who I hold in as much esteem as I do Mr. Gurdjieff, has changed the course of my life, providing me with the tools to fulfill my life’s Purpose. But don’t take my word for any of this. Remember Mr. Gurdjieff’s injunction to VERIFY EVERYTHING FOR YOURSELF! I now invite you to allow Théun’s teachings, The Toltec Path of Freedom, to change the course of YOUR life! For this it is NOT necessary to drop all things Gurdjieff and embrace a “foreign” tradition. A great many of the ideas contained within these teachings are already familiar to you – because they are founded on the One Truth upon which Gurdjieff’s formulations are based! There is no need to give up the practical Work and methods Gurdjieff left us. On the contrary, they fulfill a necessary purpose for the Work within Life. Rather I’m proposing that we grandchildren of Gurdjieff follow Théun’s exemplary lead on how to LIVE the teachings in the Spirit of Mr. Gurdjieff and once again infuse the forms he left us with Heart. This will not in any way express disloyalty or detract from the awesome Work that Gurdjieff accomplished in his lifetime! On the contrary, it honors his Work by reviving the Spirit and the Heart of his teachings, thereby completing the legacy within our own hearts and lives. I can think of no finer gift than this to repay our debt to Mr. Gurdjieff!
Your Friend and Sister in the Great Work,
Kamori Cattadoris
Created on 07/17/2009 04:13 PM by admin
Updated on 07/18/2009 12:54 PM by admin
|
|
|
|
Introduction